Today is my nephews wedding……he is the first of my parents grandchildren to get married. It will be a big day for them I’m sure and my parents will be thrilled to be a part of the celebration, along with the rest of my family.
My family and I, however, will not be a part of the big day…..none of us were invited.
Yes we live a significant distance away……approximately 1500km away, but that is not the reason we were not included in the celebration.
My sister, the grooms mother, and I had a disagreement back in February, through text and email. It was a ridiculous argument that started when I said I wouldn’t be able to make it to our Family Reunion this year. I guess I really hit a nerve with her because she was extremely hostile after that. I’m not one to just sit back and take it when I feel that someone is “attacking” me so by the time our emails back and forth were finished we had both said things to each other that perhaps needed to be said but maybe not at a time when both of us were so emotional. After I had my say……got things off my chest so to speak, and she had hers, I had put our disagreement behind me. I had assumed she did the same but I was so mistaken. I believe that two people can have a disagreement, differing of opinions or an argument and still be able to speak afterwards….we do not all think alike, but apparently not with my sister. After that, if I commented on anything on her Facebook, she ignored me. I put a post on her wall asking if a date had been set for her son’s wedding and I got no response, not a comment, not an inbox message, not an email, nothing. I did get an inbox message from my nephew letting me know the wedding date and to expect an invitation. I thanked him for the information but was a little annoyed that my own sister couldn’t even be bothered to answer my question or reply to me in any way. In a later email my sister informed me that asking about my nephews wedding on Facebook was totally inappropriate, putting that on the wall for the sake of trying to make conversation may attract people to start wondering if they are getting invited etc….friends and family who may be left off the list for whatever reason…….Well maybe she should have said something to me at the time instead of ignoring me……I’m not a mind reader, I thought it would be a way of making conversation with my sister that wouldn’t start any kind of argument……wrong again. I guess considering that my sister didn’t even tell me about her son’s wedding in the first place……I heard it through another family member…..I should have clued in that she was not speaking to me (it’s sometimes hard to tell if someone’s not speaking to you if you never see them) when she couldn’t be bothered letting us in on the big news.
To make a long story short…….because the situation between my sister and me is a long story, perhaps to be told another time……I apologized to my sister for any hurtful things I said to her, told her I forgive her for the hurtful things she said to me and thought it was dropped. However that is not the case……apparently my sister can hold a grudge for a very long time. She told me it was big of me to forgive and forget but we need deeper and is looking for us to be on the same common ground. I’m afraid I’m not even sure what she means by that……if you will no longer speak to someone or have anything to do with them……how can you ever be on common ground?
Because my sister has refused to make any attempt at making amends it prompted me to write the following:
I’ve done all I can do to make amends,
But it’s clear by your actions you don’t wish to be friends.
I’ve asked for a chance to make a fresh start,
But there’s no forgiveness within your heart.
Without even trying you’ve closed your mind,
And are willing to leave a friendship behind.
I would like to think you’re not really that small
But your silence to me, indeed says it all.
I have tried to talk to break down the wall,
But you guard it so close it can’t possibly fall.
We can’t ever go back to a place we once had,
But is a brand new beginning to you really that bad?
Before you decide to just throw it away
I feel the need to have my say.
You seem to think that you’ve played no part
In the situation that tears us apart.
You have all these rules of what I can and can’t say,
But friendships can’t really work that way.
As long as you think only you can be right,
There will never be an end to this fight.
I know you believe you’ve been nothing but kind
But that’s not the case; to your part you’re blind.
You need to recognize you’re not without blame,
And should also look at yourself with some shame.
Your anger is not just directed at me,
It seems to be aimed at my whole family.
They’ve caused you no harm of which I am aware
But your big news even with them you can’t share?
Don’t be so quick to cast judgement on me,
And believe that you live completely blame free.
The things in the past you’ve accused me of,
Are the very same things that you’re now guilty of.
You said you are good and have a kind heart,
But yet you’re not willing to make a new start.
Perhaps what it was that you meant to say,
Is we can be friends but only your way.
I am not perfect, but I’m sure not alone,
Let him without sin cast the first stone.
If you can’t forgive, then your life is a lie,
But are you really prepared to just say good-bye?
I’m sorry that this is how you want it to be,
But there’s no more I can do to make you see,
By showing no willingness to try to forgive,
You’ve chosen a very sad way to live.
I pray that one day God will speak to your heart,
And when that time comes we can make a fresh start.
I wish for you and your family, the best,
And hope for the day that we can put this to rest.
I am actually quite sad that my sister has decided that my family and I are no longer important to her and I believe that my nephew was acting out of respect for his mothers feelings by not inviting me or my children to his wedding.
I wish my nephew well as he takes his fiance to be his wife today, I hope they truly enjoy their day and have a very long and happy life together. I guess we will look at this wedding like the Royal Wedding which we were also not invited to….we will see it in pictures. 🙂